before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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