I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
