he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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