Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
