C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
