I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
it's not cheating when I paid for it
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
