your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
