i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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