I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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