Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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