I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
