Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize