Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
