Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I will pee on everything he values.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
