You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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