I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
