Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
