My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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