Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Randomize
