she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
