On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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