Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
