we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
