It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
