it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
