oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
