I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
