She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I need a beard to bite.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
