so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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