Three words: puerto rican gang bang
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She's the barista slut.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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