She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
