thus making me awesome and them whores
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
