I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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