enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
