Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
