She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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