There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
