Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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