turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
