things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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