How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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