fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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