we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
