Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
