You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
