I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
