Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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