So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
this hospital has no fireball
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
