I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
