Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
