Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
