Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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