just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
