I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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