his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
